Divorce, a cross-country move and a resolve to evolve.
“What is it about midlife that makes us suddenly need to reevaluate the life we’ve been leading?”
Contributed by Courtney
For me, it was because I finally had the time to take a long, hard look in the mirror. And I didn’t really know the woman looking back at me anymore. The kids were grown and needing me less and less. Who was I without the daily job of being a mother?
And in the midst of all this metamorphosis, I had to face the hardest truth of all: the telltale breeze of a marriage in decline.
After 28 years, he and I knew it was time to call it quits. We had simply drifted too far apart. Like many things in life, even though I knew the divorce was the right thing to do for both of us, there was so much sadness, too. But ultimately, our split was a gift to us both—we essentially granted each other the freedom to find ourselves again and figure out how we each wanted to live this second half.
“The person my friends knew was not the person I felt I really was, and I knew there was no growth for me if I stayed in that little cocoon of familiarity.”
But in order for me to really evolve in a truthful way, I knew I couldn’t stay in my home town. The person my friends knew was not the person I felt I really was, and I knew there was no growth for me if I stayed in that little cocoon of familiarity. I needed a radical change. So I decided to move across the country. And I can honestly say, it was the scariest and absolute best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
I had never moved out of the state of my birth before; quite frankly, my married life had also existed in the very same county I grew up in. In other words, my sphere was small. But I have to tell you, the sense of anonymity I had when I moved to a city where I knew literally not one person and not one person knew me wasn’t frightening—it was liberating. I could be me; I could wear what I wanted, do what I wanted, shop/eat/sit in parks where I wanted . . . the freedom was intoxicating. I vowed to myself to start living my life authentically so that anyone I met going forward was going to know the real me
I sound so strong.
“But then “nagging worry” comes calling. Who was going to help me when the water heater broke? When I needed to hang a picture? When it was tax season? When there was a huge spider on the wall?”
The answer? Me.
And to all of you out there who are wanting to make a change but feel like you can’t deal with the spider on the wall, I’m here to tell you: YOU CAN.
Over the two years I’ve been divorced and lived on my own, it’s been a crash course in finances and self-management. I was also diagnosed with breast cancer almost upon arrival in my new city—and am happy to say I am currently cancer free.
You absolutely never know what life is going to throw your way, but if you’re feeling stuck, maybe the unknown isn’t a good enough reason to stay put.
The point? You absolutely never know what life is going to throw your way, but if you’re feeling stuck, maybe the unknown isn’t a good enough reason to stay put. Listen to what your gut is telling you to do, and take a chance on yourself. It might not be easy—there will be bumps and challenges and money and taxes and crap along the way, but with every success, big or small, you empower yourself and evolve a little bit more. You’re taking steps to where you’re supposed to be.
I took a free fall and drastically changed my path because I knew it was the only way for me to grow. But your path might be more subtle; it could simply be a slight change in your daily routine, or a letting go of people commitments that weigh you down, or a myriad of other things. But what I hope for you is that if you feel stagnant, bored, worried about midlife—reexamine.
“Tell yourself you can do it. Make it your mantra. And you’ll be amazed at the beautiful, supportive people that will enter your universe once you start living life on your terms.”
Have an honest, heart-to-heart with yourself about what you really want, what you truly need in order to feel happy and at peace. Perhaps shift your thinking from fear of the unknown to a perspective of wonder and excitement for the unknown. Tell yourself you can do it. Make it your mantra. And you’ll be amazed at the beautiful, supportive people that will enter your universe once you start living life on your terms.
Whatever personal growth you’re considering, big or small, you’ve got this. And from all the women who share a version of your experience, we’ve got you, too.