Vulnerability. It’s a good thing.

By Courtney | July 16, 2022

One of Merriam-Webster’s definitions of the word vulnerable is “capable of being physically or emotionally wounded.”

Isn’t that interesting—the use of the words “capable” and “wounded”? That makes so much sense to me now as to why so many of us lack vulnerability. We simply are not capable of it because we don’t want to be hurt.

And I think that’s unfortunate. In my mind, being vulnerable does not equate to the potential of being wounded. In contrast, I think that to be vulnerable in any type of relationship—marriage, domestic partnership, friendship, parent-child, workmate—is crucial to that relationship’s survival. Because at its best, vulnerability can create unprecedented closeness.  

When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you are able to:

-say “I love you” first, or most

-say you’re sorry

-say “I was wrong.”

-show empathy

-share your deepest feelings that might not be reciprocated

-address the emotional elephant in the room

-give the other person credit

-make hard choices, even if the result is you standing alone

-admit you don’t know everything

-ask for help

-admit your mistakes

-tell the other person, “I need you in my life.”

Some might think that to be vulnerable shows a weakness of character; a lack of self-confidence. But to me, if we are brave enough to say even one of those things above to someone we care about, that shows a lot of integrity and strength—you have enough confidence and self-awareness to take a chance with your emotions and heart without knowing how it will be received. You can’t get much braver than that.

I think that to be vulnerable in any type of relationship—marriage, domestic partnership, friendship, parent-child, workmate—is crucial to that relationship’s survival.

-Courtney

When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, it can certainly feel scary and like we are opening ourselves up to being hurt, as Merriam-Webster says. But the more we put our heart, mind, and soul out there, the more we evolve in all ways, because with every chance we take, we become more empowered by knowing that we’re strong enough to have our own backs, even if the other person doesn’t. 

My personal experience

In my life, the relationships that have disintegrated are those in which the other person couldn’t say any of those things above; to allow themselves to be vulnerable was far too uncomfortable for them to handle. Consequently, I ended up feeling empty and over-giving and not truly loved. It didn’t feel good, and I felt alone, lonely, and depleted. 

So after I made some radical changes in my life, I vowed that I’d stay fearless enough to let the real me be present in all my new relationships going forward—to keep myself emotionally open and honest. And what I’ve found is that I’ve made some rock-solid friendships because they’ve been built on a shared foundation of trust. The more vulnerable we are with those who we care about, the more trusting they will be to do the same. And for me, that richness—that beautiful, caring, honest, open, and loving depth—is well worth every chance I took to get where I am today.