Remaking Your Finances
I remember being terrified to even consider divorce. Not so much because I feared being by myself or having to carry the load at my house alone, but because I was scared to be financially separate from my husband. He had been the main breadwinner for many years, as I stepped back into a supporting role while he worked to advance his career as an attorney. When we finally made the decision to separate, I wanted the separation to drag on as long as possible so that I would still have the same financial stability as if we were married. —I could keep on using that joint AmEx and pretend everything was A-OK. When I finally got up the nerve to hire an attorney and set up mediation, I had a near breakdown in the lawyer’s office about how much less I earned than he did, and my fears about money honestly overwhelmed any other emotion I experienced at the time. It doesn’t have to be this way, but it often is.
An article written by Stacy Francis for CNBC in August of 2019 said “For many women, financial security is one of the biggest considerations that factor in when deciding whether to stay in an unhappy marriage or divorce. As a result, a significantly large number of women stay in marriages that are unhealthy and even border on dysfunctional.” In fact, studies show that more women than men (65% to 52%) report that finances are the highest source of stress in their lives. Driving the fear of financial instability as women consider divorce is the worry that women won’t be able to earn as much as they need to, due to possibly having taken years away from the workforce to raise children or having taken a less aggressive approach to career advancement in order to keep their work/family balance even.
I remember these fears swirling through my head constantly during those months. When it came time for me complete my financial affidavit, showing my income and all expenses, boy I procrastinated the hell out of it. Like an ostrich sticking its head in the sand, I did not want to know how bad it was going to be. When I finally sat down and plumbed the depths of my monthly spending (Did you know you can download your Amazon purchases to a .csv file? Yep—and the level of detail is INSANE.), I was astonished to see exactly what I was letting go out the door for unnecessary things. And PS, I learned that my oldest child was responsible for more than 50% of my monthly grocery bill. When he left for college, it dropped almost 60%. Strangely, however, instead of feeling worse, I felt BETTER. I felt STRONGER. I could easily see where quick cuts could be made within minutes to lower my monthly expenses. I knew what my “gap” was between my income and my expenses, and this clear knowledge drastically strengthened my negotiating position as I went into mediation.
This “Knowledge Is Power” concept drove Kristin and I to place high importance on finding an early guest for our podcast that could address some of these concerns. We were lucky to have Laura Rafi, a Certified Public Accountant with Cyman, Davidson, Rafi, and Walker, sit down with us to talk about how women can gain confidence in themselves and control over their finances, whether it’s post-divorce or so they can move forward with a career change or other major transition. Laura said one of the best decisions women can make is to sit down with a tax advisor BEFORE divorce so they can understand the tax implications of any numbers of possible outcomes of the inevitable split in assets. She encourages women to seek professional help so they don’t feel they’re shouldering the burden alone, and agrees that knowing more is always better. We encourage you to tune into our twelfth episode, “Remake Your Finances: Knowledge Is Power”, and hear for yourself. I know that I sure wish I had met Laura a year and a half ago when I was that anxious, nervous woman, stuck in my own fear about money and the future. It literally would have changed everything!
xo,
Leigh