Finding Stillness
I’ve spent the last few weeks desperately trying to pursue the idea of a calm, low stress holiday season. In the midst of a pandemic that has turned 2020 upside down, including cancelling or changing normal holiday gatherings and traditions, I thought at least we could have some peace and quiet in our home. Squelching my guilt for lining Jeff Bezos’ pockets with even more money and for avoiding in-person shopping as much as possible, meaning I haven’t supported local merchants as much as I normally would, I’ve ordered most of the gifts I’ll be giving online. This has bought me some much-needed time away from the hustle and bustle of holiday shopping, which normally I would enjoy.
It’s far too easy to allow the noise of a traditional busy American holiday season to drown out the calmness and quiet that women need to practice in their daily lives. The voices in our heads telling us we need to make the holidays “perfect” for our families can cause us to zoom through our days without giving a moment over to pausing to reflect on, well, anything. And this isn’t limited to the holidays, is it? It’s just worse now.
All throughout the year we crash through our chaotic modern lives like bulls in a china shop, crossing off to-do’s and racing from event to event. Even this year, when there’s not so much racing from place to place, we’ve still been bombarded with messages like “Now’s the time to pick up a new hobby!” or “How I Learned to Quilt This Year!” Oh, and look! Your friend from 5 jobs ago has managed to refinish multiple pieces of furniture! These messages and thousands of others like them make us feel like if we aren’t doing SOMETHING, ANYTHING, then we aren’t good enough.
You know what? WRONG. What we need more than ever is to be still. Pause. Reflect. Carve some time out where we aren’t. Doing. Anything. It’s in these moments that we can quiet our mind and hear our own voice. Maybe it’s telling you something you don’t want to hear. That doesn’t mean you should drown it out. You need to listen even harder.
This year, when I get up, I turn on my Christmas tree, grab my coffee, and sit. And look. And think. I’m not going to lie—my mind is sometimes filled with negative thoughts. What in the hell is going to happen with our government? What will we do if the pandemic gets even worse? Did I make that dental appointment I needed to make? It’s okay for thoughts to come and go. Acknowledge them. Sometimes I like to do a “mind dump” where I write down every single to-do that I can think of. Sometimes I have to practice changing my anxiety ridden “What if” worries into more manageable “Even if” thoughts. (Try it—it’s amazingly helpful).
This year, when I get up, I turn on my Christmas tree, grab my coffee, and sit. And look. And think. I’m not going to lie—my mind is sometimes filled with negative thoughts. What in the hell is going to happen with our government? What will we do if the pandemic gets even worse? Did I make that dental appointment I needed to make? It’s okay for thoughts to come and go. Acknowledge them. Sometimes I like to do a “mind dump” where I write down every single to-do that I can think of. Sometimes I have to practice changing my anxiety ridden “What if” worries into more manageable “Even if” thoughts. (Try it—it’s amazingly helpful).
I think sometimes women are afraid to just sit in stillness because they won’t be able to keep these thoughts at bay. They don’t think they could handle the onslaught. It takes practice to pause. Letting your thoughts come and go as they wish. But that stillness, that momentary pause, is one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves. You can gain clarity, calmness, even literal physical benefits from it.
I encourage you to try hard this year and as we move forward into 2021 to make this a habit. Maybe you carve out a quiet spot in an armchair with a tiny table next to it, light a candle and read quietly. Maybe your pause is time for prayer. Maybe it’s more formal meditation. Maybe like me it’s staring into a Christmas tree with a mug of steaming hot coffee. But you’ll know when you’ve found your stillness. Your pause. In it you’ll find yourself.
xo,
Leigh